Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Day 2 (Lifeguard Course)

None Of This Is Exaggerated Or Made Up.

Started off pretty rubbish with everyone having to learn acronyms to remember how to react to certain situations. 2 hours later we ventured upstairs to begin CPR on dummy's in the dance studio. To get there we went through a gym, whilst waiting for an angry man to finish punching a bag in the studio we waited in the gym. A member of our group, Frederick, a 22 year old, bit stupid, completely homophobic, lads lad said, "That milf over there on the running machine, you see her, bet she swallows and takes it up the arse. Right in the shitter", to this i just muttered yeah. We then went into the studio and started using torso dummy's to perform CPR on. Whilst doing the exercise a ditzy girl with a ridiculous amount of ear piercings asks, "Do you have to break the ribs when doin CPR", The confused instructor dismisses it before receiving another stupid question from the girls friend, "Doesn't a body way twice as much when unconscious", He dodges it again but now the group begins to talk about when they have seen people die. One chubby 25 year old with a round head describes when he saw a guy have a man faint and foam at the mouth in front of him. The second girl exclaims how her cat died. Then anal milf man exclaims, "I ran over a cat on my motorbike once, I pulled it off and put it in this wood burning furnace, smelt like chinese". The girl then said, "If you pull a cats arms apart it's chest explodes and it looks like chocolate". Everyone done there CPR training but mid way through I noticed Fredrick pick up the torso dummy and proceed to mock receiving oral sex from it behind the instructors back. Throughout I noticed him looking down the young girls tops and making repetitive jokes about putting tongues in the dummy's mouths while giving mouth to mouth. A 45 year old frail member of the group, her hair was thin and horrible and she looked seriously ill,performed the exercise and her face (usually a horrible blue and pale white) reddened so much that the instructor asked if she was ok and I felt sick. We then got in the pool and the ditzy girl proceeded to call me Jamie cause i looked like her cousin and the other girl kept shouting bradders! and putting her thumbs up. Afterwards the girls stole the 2 men on the course's clothes and hid them. One girl got changed and the other peered over and said she had seen a "cracking shot of her muff" and the other let out a horrible scream. I left, seeing the geeky chavvy kid with orange hair who has no idea how to swim outside smoking, What an amazing day.

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