Wednesday, 10 February 2010

Day 3 (Lifeguard Course)

None Of This Is Exaggerated Or Made Up.

Started as normal until vicky (one of the girls) called the big dumb ginger one a batty boy, to which he replied, "your the battery boy", not realizing his mistake everyone just laughed at him. I found out fredderick is actually called fenwick, I know this as he has a massive horrible tattoo of his name on his inside arm. The other girl (Becky) said to i think dan, "Doesn't he have a deformed head and a fat dad?" The fat little ginger boy next to me kept talking about his burberry aftershave and how he wanted paco robanne 1 million but it got sold out. Then some people started talking about cocaine and ridiculous stories and becky shouts "What Diet Or Normal!" before cackling loudly and banging the table. The horrible feeble woman in the corner looked worse today, her pale round moon like head was complimented by her bulging red eyes, She kept answering questions so stupid, like we were talking about lifting a person out of the ball with our arms under with palms down, so they were easier to slide out, she mutters weakly how it has something to do with touching the person, NO IT DOESNT YOU WERE ALREADY TOUCHING THEM, IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT SIDE OF YOUR ARM IS IN CONTACT. The instructor kindly said he didn't think it was right to which she shook her head defiantly. Fenwick said Jodie Marsh was sex on legs but Wouldn't get it if he had to look at her from the side. At the break the ginger chav with constant open mouth moaned about fenwik saying he wants to smack boys that are chavs. Becky said she eats 12 packets of crisps with ease and wished they did 24 packs for the flavors she liked, She them poked my phone screen and cackled again. Ginger chav mutters in an Akon style "I wanna break break break break your neck", which the girls found quite amusing. Becky then went Errr when I hadn't wiped my apple before taking a bite, i asked why and she goes "its dirty, all those Africans rubbing it on their fannys", she then went on unlinked to label how she was hench and her head was pure muscle. Later she used the term "stickable", quickly after doubting the existence of the word, however small fat ginger assured her saying, "it is a word, stick-a-ball", for the girls this was sound logic enough and the conversation moved on. We went up to the gym again and one of the girl's bums was hangin out while doing CPR on her knees, Fenwick took great delight in shouting builders bum before hitting the floor with laughter. Later he once again picked up a dummy and appeared to show it giving him oral sex, this time with it inverted with his tongue strumming against the absence of space seen as the dummy had no lower body, people found this little tweak from yesterday incredibly funny. The group proceeded to bandage each other in ridiculous ways, Fenwick working with vicky comes over with a bandage on his arm, becky asks if vicky had been biting again, Fenwick replies with "Yeah my arm tastes like Hula Hops". The tall ginger chav complains about how he wish the baby dummy was more realistic so he could make it do middle fingers at people, which he found too funny. (the attractive) Vicky was spending a lot of time with the 6 year older Fenwick to the younger boys dislike, the smallest (fat round ginger head) who is year 11 came up with the theory, "Shes a slut, you can tell because she hasn't got any bra tan marks, that means she always has it off", the other agreed labeling her a slut. I then noticed the jeans that the tall ginger one was wearing, they were baggy had massive pockets and the colour faded from pale blue to near black at the bottom. Becky noticed that Vicky had done the buttons on her shirt wrong, Fenwick told Vicky he would sort them out before winking at the 16 year old. We then got changed and went poolside, I made a comment about a man swimming in the pool, saying he was so slow it would be faster to walk, unfortunately when he eventually reached the end of the pool and severe difficulty turning round and pushing off the wall I realized he had no legs. We did all the exercises in the pool and were at the side, an attractive lifeguard sauntered past to Fenwicks delight as he kissed his arm, flapped the lump in his shorts and licked his lips. He also enjoyed grabbing the (young) girls and pushing them about. The chlorine destroyed the weak woman's eyes and she look really horrible, her eyes so big, puffy and red, i tried not to look at her. We got out and went back to hitting a dummy as if it was choking. I watched and listened to the weak woman, with the dummy rested on her knee she repetitively asked it to cough up the food for about 10 seconds, before telling it what she was gonna do and counting the amount of times she hit it on the back, she then congratulated it and told it to come sit down after she had finished. I nearly forgot, the Asians were out in force in the pool, always staring at what we did, never swimming. The tall ginger chav I noticed was looking at me, I turned around and made eye contact with his jaw dropped absent face, which continued to stare blankly for at least 5 seconds, I turned before he had finished cause it was awkward. I then went to the toilet, radio one was on and someone said lady gaga on it, Fenwick heard this as he entered the toilet, he repeated lady gaga 4 times to himself while pissing in the open cubicle. I left the centre to see over half the group smoking, the small fat ginger kid was offering everyone his lighter despite not smoking, Fenwick, now outside too was on his phone, "Alright babes... How are you gorgeous... nice, can you come get me darling."

P.s at the dinner table my dad called my sister a slimy rat and a sneaky eel because she slipped upstairs when they called her for dinner, he then said he was onto her and that she was getting genuinely grimy and horrible.

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